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MINI 10535 UOM 7/16/02 11:49 AM Page 1
UNAUTHORIZED
OWNER’S MANUAL
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MINI 10535 UOM 7/16/02 11:49 AM Page 2 UNAUTHORIZED OWNER’S MANUAL This manual is not intended to help you understand the operation and maintenance of your motor vehicle. Rather, it is meant to provide you with invaluable information that would, under normal driving conditions, take most car owners months to discover for themselves. Information that has been painstakingly gleaned from many hours of vehicle operation.
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MINI 10535 UOM 7/16/02 11:49 AM Page 4 CONTENTS THE BASICS The Basics Proper Use of Bumper Accelerator Wah-Wah Pedal 22-23 Stickers 15-16 The Boot, the Bonnet & Essentials of Good Motoring Mojo Commander Cooper 4 BEST PLACES TO STASH STUFF IN YOUR MINI Making Room for Romance Detailing 4 Jump Starts 26 in your MINI Assigned Cabin Seating 4-5 Acknowledging Fellow Public Displays of Affection Motorers 26-27 Best Places to Stash Stuff (P.D.A.) 18 Sharing Your MINI 28 CUSTOMIZING YOUR MINI in
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MINI 10535 UOM 7/16/02 11:49 AM Page 6 THE BASICS THE BASICS The Boot, the Bonnet Count of Countless Checkered Flags. well-motored life. Imagine it’s like tooling one is active while another is passive. & Commander Cooper Translation, mates: this MINI’s a real around town in a Jackson Pollock original. In a MINI, all are actively engaged in go-er. Nudge, nudge. Wink, wink. Say But every now and then, you may want the enjoyment of motoring. However, With a British car comes some rather fore
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MINI 10535 UOM 7/16/02 11:49 AM Page 8 THE BASICS THE BASICS BEST PLACES TO STASH STUFF IN YOUR MINI CUSTOMIZING YOUR MINI MINIUSA.COM MAKING ROOM FOR ROMANCE IN YOUR MINI MAKING BEAUTIFUL MUSIC WITH YOUR MINI ESSENTIALS OF GOOD MOTORING MOJO TROUBLESHOOTING Fig. 4 Instead of calling "shotgun", call "slingshot". It’s a David and Goliath thing. Your MINI may be small, but it packs a punch. 6 7 TROUBLE GOOD MOJO MUSIC ROMANCE CUSTOMIZE STASH BASICS
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MINI 10535 UOM 7/16/02 11:49 AM Page 10 BEST PLACES TO STASH STUFF IN YOUR MINI BEST PLACES TO STASH STUFF IN YOUR MINI First things first. This book fits snugly inside the case provided for your factory- authorized owner’s manual, and is designed to be stowed away in the glove box. Or conveniently left about on the coffee table. 1. Coin Caddy Technically engineered as the beverage Fig. 6 Cooling/Heating Glove Box holder. Reinvented by resourceful you as the handy loose change receptacle. Str
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MINI 10535 UOM 7/16/02 11:49 AM Page 12 BEST PLACES TO STASH STUFF IN YOUR MINI THE BASICS Secret Jogging Key Nook The undercarriage of your MINI features a handy hideaway for stashing cumbersome key sets when you take a break from BEST PLACES TO STASH STUFF IN YOUR MINI motoring for a jog, bike ride, or skinny- dipping romp in the country. Place your hand just forward of either rear wheel near the rocker panel. Reach up and under the wheel well. You’ll find a flat CUSTOMIZING YOUR MINI 4"X4"
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MINI 10535 UOM 7/16/02 11:49 AM Page 14 CUSTOMIZING YOUR MINI CUSTOMIZING YOUR MINI Fig. 11 Making Your Own Dashboard Figurines: Motoring Accessories The Icons of Good Motoring Mojo Swivel-hipped hula girls and bobbing doggie heads are standard equipment in many automobiles. But as a MINI owner, you may want to consider a few accessory options more suited to your motor vehicle’s premium performance prowess. Assembly: 1. Cut out body pattern. 2. Fold together at feet. Connect A and B. 3. Ad
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MINI 10535 UOM 7/16/02 11:49 AM Page 16 CUSTOMIZING YOUR MINI CUSTOMIZING YOUR MINI Air Fresheners. Nothing beats that new Cockpit Toggle Switch car smell. But life happens. You suddenly Conversation Starters take up ferret breeding. Your MINI Refer to your factory-authorized MINI becomes possessed by the spirit of a owner’s manual to familiarize yourself recently-deceased skunk. You chauffeur with the layout of all dashboard instru- a couple of your alma mater’s lacrosse mentation. Then re
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MINI 10535 UOM 7/16/02 11:49 AM Page 18 CUSTOMIZING YOUR MINI THE BASICS Proper Use of Bumper Stickers Below, the top three bumper sticker faux pas: Discouraged: Sometimes, though we have the best intentions, comedy can backfire in our BEST PLACES TO STASH STUFF IN YOUR MINI faces like a cheap gag exploding cigar. As a conscientious law-abiding motorer, always ask yourself: "To whom am I really talking here"? CUSTOMIZING YOUR MINI Fig. 15 Fill in the blank, go directly to jail. MAKING ROO
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MINI 10535 UOM 7/16/02 11:49 AM Page 20 MAKING ROOM FOR ROMANCE IN YOUR MINI MAKING ROOM FOR ROMANCE IN YOUR MINI Public Displays of Affection (P.D.A.) Dating tips for married people Highly encouraged. You and your designated significant other Your MINI can be a great source of take your MINI out for a wash and buff on a bright sunny escape from the ruts of everyday life. Sunday for the whole world to see. “Yo, people, get a garage!” 1. Make a hot date. With your spouse. The Backseat: An Intr
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MINI 10535 UOM 7/16/02 11:49 AM Page 22 MAKING ROOM FOR ROMANCE IN YOUR MINI THE BASICS Unconventional Use of Headlamps to Attract Attention Your MINI’s halogen lights are integrated into the bonnet (hood). Subsequently, BEST PLACES TO STASH STUFF IN YOUR MINI raising the bonnet raises the headlamps. A handy feature for attracting Luna moths, playing Romeo & Juliet, illuminating nighttime tailgate parties and locating sexy neighbor’s treed kitty. (Fig. 21) CUSTOMIZING YOUR MINI IN EVENT OF B
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MINI 10535 UOM 7/16/02 11:49 AM Page 24 MAKING BEAUTIFUL MUSIC WITH YOUR MINI MAKING BEAUTIFUL MUSIC WITH YOUR MINI 2. Tapping on the roof adds additional percussion, though care should be taken that any rings on fingers do not scratch your MINI’s distinctive black or white roof factory finish. 3. Playing the tubular door bezel: Syncopated banging upon the silver door tube adds bass. Adjust levels with a thump to the armrest. The door bezel is your conga. 4. Activating the turn signals pro
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MINI 10535 UOM 7/16/02 11:49 AM Page 26 MAKING BEAUTIFUL MUSIC WITH YOUR MINI THE BASICS BEST PLACES TO STASH STUFF IN YOUR MINI CUSTOMIZING YOUR MINI MAKING ROOM FOR ROMANCE IN YOUR MINI MAKING BEAUTIFUL MUSIC WITH YOUR MINI ESSENTIALS OF GOOD MOTORING MOJO Fig. 25 MINI Performance Art. Oftentimes, the rhythm of the road can inspire sudden improvisational dances such as the spontaneous “Red Light Fire Drill” shown above. TROUBLESHOOTING 24 25 TROUBLE GOOD MOJO MUSIC ROMANCE CUSTOMIZE STASH B
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MINI 10535 UOM 7/16/02 11:49 AM Page 28 ESSENTIALS OF GOOD MOTORING MOJO ESSENTIALS OF GOOD MOTORING MOJO Jump Starts Index Finger Salute Opting NOT to exchange electrical charges Subtle. Sublime. "’Sup!" with total strangers is up to the individual Peace Sign motorer’s discretion. HOWEVER, random acts Though flower-powered Minis never lined the of kindness do continue the flow of positive interstates leading to Woodstock, N.Y., Minis did energy. Which adds up to good motor mojo enjoy a rath
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MINI 10535 UOM 7/16/02 11:49 AM Page 30 ESSENTIALS OF GOOD MOTORING MOJO THE BASICS Sharing your MINI Use this simple diagnostic checklist to help you decide who is qualified to borrow your MINI in the likely event friends, relatives and coworkers should all request to use it simultaneously. The one who answers every question correctly gets to motor on. BEST PLACES TO STASH STUFF IN YOUR MINI (Photocopy and cut out for future use) 1. Finish the following: Sir Alec
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MINI 10535 UOM 7/16/02 11:49 AM Page 32 TROUBLESHOOTING TROUBLESHOOTING Rotating your Shorts in Public FOUR THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER DO TO YOUR MINI Whether wiggling out of soggy swim 1. Never leave your MINI unattended and unlocked with the trunks at the beach, or slipping into moisture-wicking bike shorts for a ride engine running and a giant sign on top reading, "Back in ten—feel free to move car if in way." in the country, follow these instructions for taking it all off and putting it all
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MINI 10535 UOM 7/16/02 11:49 AM Page 34 ADDITIONAL READING: On the Road…Jack Kerouac There’s No Toilet Paper on the Road Less Traveled The Best of Travel Humor…Lansky Roadfood: 500 Diners, Farmland Buffets, Lobster Shacks, Pie Palaces and Other All-American Eateries…Jane & Michael Stern Fodor’s Flashmaps of NY, Washington, D.C., Chicago & San Francisco Fodor’s How to Pack...Laurel Cardone The Book of Motoring...MINI BOOKS ON TAPE: Road Rage Relaxation…Dean Montalbano NOTE: MEDITATION TAPE O
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MINI 10535 UOM 7/16/02 11:49 AM Page 36 MINIUSA.COM ©2002 MINI, a division of BMW NA, LLC. BRO003-02
